Dad's Hands - Belated Father's Day Tribute

I am a hand person; that is one of the first things that I notice about people - their hands.  I notice the shape of their hands, fingers, and nails.  I cannot help it.  I have noticed people's hands for as long as I could remember. 

My dad had great hands.  In one of my favorite pictures of Dad and Jacob, all you can see of my dad is his hands.  It was taken at my cousins' (yes plural, they are identical twins) high school graduation open house.  I love this picture because does it not only feature 2 of my 3 favorite guys, but Jacob's expression is showing a glimpse of the opinionated person that we have all come to know and love.  And it shows the closeness that Dad and Jacob had between them.  Dad loved his family, but when Jacob was born he became the sun and the moon in my dad's world.  They naturally gravitated towards each other and Jacob could never do any wrong.  I wish I had a nickel for everytime my dad would tell me, "He's fine, Jen.", when I thought Jacob was doing something he shouldn't.  Jacob's face is dirty, but his hands are grasping Grandpa's fingers. 

My dad's hands were always neat and clean.  I cannot remember him having any dirt on them or underneath his nails.  His nails were always neatly trimmed, though he did have a habit of chewing them every once in a while.  A habit that Jacob has also picked up from his dad. 

I miss my dad's hands.  I miss how he would raise one high in the air in a fist when he was excited, how he held cards when he played euchere, and how they felt when they patted our shoulders.  The only jewelry Dad wore was his wedding ring and masonic ring and without them his hands looked naked.  They seemed to be permanently tanned from numerous summers spent mowing they yard. 

The chorus from the song "Daddy's Hands" describes my dad's hands perfectly:

                     Daddy's hands were soft and kind when I was cryin'
                     Daddy's hands were hard as steel when I done wrong.
                    Daddy's hands weren't always gentle
                    But I've come to understand ,
                   There was always love in Daddy's hands.

So happy belated Father's Day, Dad.  I know you are looking down on us and smiling.  All I ask is that you always keep Jacob safe in your hands as he grows up and experiences all that life has to offer. 

Instructions Not Included!

On Saturday, January 21, 2006, Jeff's and my lives changed forever. On that day, our son, Jacob Matthew, entered our lives at 3:40 pm weighing 5# 13 oz and measuring 19.5 inches long. I can still remember the details of that day vividly. A Mythbusters marathon was playing, my mom kept vigil in the waiting room, Jeff got to wear green scrubs, and my parents got to visit Jacob in the NICU immediately after he was born.

I remember being terrified that not only was I responsible for myself, but this little person who could not tell me what he wanted or needed. Jeff and I have experienced a roller coaster of emotions from exuberance to fear to "what have we gotten ourselves into." But we have survived and so has Jacob. It is difficult to believe that the tiny little baby that they send home with you is actually stronger and more resilient than you at times. We have survived fevers, pink eye, ear infections, a broken clavicle, and nights when we ran out of sheets for both Jacob's and our bed which resulted in no hot water for showers in the morning.

I refuse to touch raw meat (beef, chicken, if it is not cooked, I am not touching it). But I have found that getting peed on, pooped on, or vomited on does not bother me at all. I just clean it up and go on about my day. For any first time mother's of boys - beware there is something about exposing the little fire hose to air that makes it go off! At the time, I remember wondering what are we doing, but looking back I would not trade any of those sleepless nights.

And as I look back on the last six years, I realize that we are doing okay. There are days that I feel like the worst mother in the world - what mother who works outside the home does not feel like that especially when she forgets the juice box for lunch? For all of the mistakes that we have made (and will continue to make), I think we are doing pretty good. Jacob has the purest heart of anyone I know - there is not a mean bone in his body. He is wonderful with little babies and kids and treats them so gently. He loves his family, gives hugs and kisses freely to anyone who wants them, knows what he wants in a restaurant (chicken fingers please), and can make a new friend in minutes.

Do you ever look at your kids and wonder how their mind works, how much they remember? A few weeks ago, Jacob asked Jeff if he had a sword, which he does as part of his K of C dress. We talked about what 4th degree K of C members wear and that Jacob had never seen Jeff in his full dress. Jacob responded, "Yes I did. I remember looking down on you when I was in heaven before I was born." We asked him what he meant and he explained that God had been looking for a nice family for him and that Jacob would watch us from heaven. He said, "I remember seeing you and Dad." We asked him who else he had seen in heaven and he distinctly said, "I did not see my papaws because they were not up there." How do you respond to that? It gave me such hope that what we have been telling him is true - that both of his grandpas are up in heaven, watching him, and protecting him especially when Jeff and I cannot be there. He is our answer to prayer. Sometimes I think that when we are the ones that are supposed to be teaching him, he is actually teaching us.

So here is to the next six years - I wonder what conversations we will have, who he will say is his girlfriend (will it still be Eleanor?), and how many more times I will receive the vampire scowl because I tell him to kneel and stand correctly in Church (I am guessing every weekend until he is in his twenties!). I am looking forward to all of the memories that we will make, the adventures that we will take, and all of the mistakes that we will make! May Jeff, Jacob, and I be successful in this endeavor.

P.S. I am forever grateful for all of the patience and advice that has been given by family and friends. Could not do this without you all!

Land of the Rising Sun - 10 Years Later

Japan is an archipelago of 6,852 islands and was first inhabited around 30,000 BC.  That is before Christ.  It is a culture rich in heritage and tradition with a majority of the population believing in either Buddahism or Shinto.  Within large cities such as Kyoto (the ancient capital) and Tokyo, you can find ancient temples that housed Samurai warriors still standing.  The amazing thing about these temples is their location - within the hustle and bustle of a busy city of 30 million people, but within the temple gates, you feel as if you are within a place of peace and harmony, oblivious to the sounds of everyday life going on outside the gates.  The noise and chaos of everyday life miraculously disappears. 

I arrived in Tokyo, Japan on a United flight on September 9, 2001.  I was travelling on business and had been looking forward to the trip with trepidation as it was my first trip outside of the U.S.  I had this fear, that I only voiced to Jeff, that I would arrive in Japan and not be able to get back home for some reason.  The day before I left, I had gone to the bank to get travelers checks and distinctly remember seeing on the TV inside PEFCU that the U.S. military base had been put on alert in Okinawa, Japan.  I did not put much thought into it as it seemed as if there were alerts periodically all over the world for one reason or another.  And the reporters were not discussing it, it was a just a blurb scrolling at the bottom of the screen. 

The first two days in Japan were filled with customer visits and getting used to using the train that most Japanese used to get to and from work.  The average commute in Japan is around an hour via train.  Not many Japanese own cars either.  In the morning, I would call Jeff at work and it would be the afternoon of the previous day in Lafayette.  We would talk and I would get ready for the day's meetings.  In the early morning hours of September 12, 2001 (3:30 am Tokyo, 2:30 pm 9/11/01 Lafayette time), I was awakened by a phone call from the VP of my business unit at work.  Anne told me that the Towers had been hit by planes, another plane had hit the Pentagon, another was downed in Pennsylvania, and that the towers had collapsed.  I remember not comprehending what she was telling me and can only imagine how stupid I sounded on the other end of the phone line.  She also told me that my dad had been trying to get ahold of me.  Turns out that my dad was a bit panicked and could not find the itenerary that I had given to my parents with all my contact information.  Mom had put it on the refrigerator with all of the other important information and in his haste, he had overlooked it. 

For anyone who has never travelled in Japan, there are not many English speaking channels on TV.  There was CNN worldwide which kept showing the attack on the U.S. by the terrorists.  It came to the point that I could not watch it anymore and spent my evenings watching a local sumo wrestling tournament in Tokyo and calling the company travel agency to determine flight status into the United States.  My fear was slowly coming true in my mind - I was stuck in a foreign country where I could not speak the language and could not eat the food for what appeared to be an indeterminate amount of time.  Home never seemed so far away before. 

It goes without saying that you don't appreciate the things you have until they are taken from you.  I have always been proud to be an American and have felt privileged to live in the United States.  I had been enjoying my trip abroad, but it lost its excitement in the early morning hours of Sept. 12.  In the week and half that I was in Japan after Sept. 11, 2001, I missed the golden color of the corn fields at sunset, the flat, seemingly endless roads that make up Indiana, and the relaxed atmosphere of "city life" in Lafayette.  Tokyo and Kyoto were bustling cities - much like Chicago and New York - with skyscrapers lining the busy streets.  It became chlostrophobic to me, like they were closing in and I just wanted to go home.  So the next time you think there is nothing to do in Indiana or Lafayette, I invite you to watch the sunset over a field of corn, watch the baby calves on U.S. 52 in Boone county walk with their mothers in the pasture, or marvel in the windmills in Benton county.

Still to this day, I cannot watch the coverage of the attacks without thinking about my time in Japan and the phone call home to my dad.  I can still hear him breaking down in tears when I said, "Hi Dad."  This 10 year anniversary has been exceptionally hard with all of the news coverage.  I feel as if I was in another world when 9/11 happened, detached from it all.  There is still a lot of information that I don't know.  I did not realize that fighter jets were scrambeled to protect Air Force One while President Bush was flying around the country until 4 days ago.  These jets were to put themselves between any harm and the President.  I still do not understand all of the timing of securing the President and the joint chiefs of staff in various locations.  I thank Jeff for his patience in answering my questions and helping me to understand what went in the days after the attacks.  One statement he told me after I returned home was how strange it was not to see or hear a plane in the sky.  I still cannot imagine that.  I have heard 9/11 referred to as the Pearl Harbor the 21st century.  It is ironic to me that I was in the very country that attacked Pearl Harbor the same day as my homeland was attacked.

One of Japan's names is the "Land of the Rising Sun" as it is identified in Imperial correspondence with the Chinese Sui dynasty (581 AD - 618 AD) in referring to its eastern position relative to China. However, a rising sun also indicates a new day which can be defined as literally the start of a new day or figuratively as the beginning of a new chapter in one's life. A new day started for everyone on a global scale on Sept. 11, 2001 at approximately 8:30 am EST. A new way of life was ushered in for everyone. In the days after the attacks, Americans were united in their spirit and actions in ensuring that this would not happen again and that the terrorists would know that we had not been broken.  We have not been broken, we may have been slowed a bit with the recession, but we are still Americans and we are still free.  So my prayer tonight will include, as always, a prayer for greater understanding amongst people so that we never have another attack like this anywhere in the world.  I will also pray for all of the people who are working to ensure that we have the freedom to disagree with our leaders and engage in debate about the issues of our times.  But most of all I will pray that Jacob never has to endure a rising sun like we exprienced in 2001.

Little Quack has Started to Swim

Sorry for the long absence.  It has been a busy summer in the Bohan household.  Jacob played baseball and had a blast.  He has the stance down when standing on base.  I have to commend the coaches - Misters Shipman, Munn, and Siemers - they were so patient with all of the kids and taught them a lot about team sports, supporting each other, and congratulating the opponent on a game well played.  The end of July found us getting ready for school - buying clothes, supplies, and the appropriate lunch box.  Sorry Batman - Jacob is sporting Spiderman this year both on his backpack and lunch box.  And then on August 16 - our little quack began his school career at St. Lawrence.

Little Quack is a book that was Jacob's favorite when he was a "toddler" in his words.  It's a story about a Mama duck who is teaching her five little ducklings (Piddle, Puddle, Widdle, Waddle, and Little Quack) to swim in the pond.  They are all hesitant at first, but eventually ease into the water and exclaim at how fun it is to swim.  Little Quack is the last to enter the pond behind all of his brothers and sisters.  I was excited for Jacob to start school as it would be a new experience and he would expand his group of friends.  I also did not think I cry when Jeff and I took him to school on Tuesday - I had already been through the separation phase since I had been taking him to daycare for the past 3 years, but I was wrong.  In the early morning hours on Tuesday, I got to thinking about Jacob starting Kindergarten and I realized something.  Kindergarten is just the first little push out of the nest that parents give their children.  They are like baby birds learning to fly or baby ducklings learning to swim.  It is the first step towards becoming their own little people and experiencing a small taste of independence without Mom and Dad hovering over their every move.  And every year, the flying and swimming lessons get broader in scope until they are soaring on their own.

So here is to our Little Quack - may you always have sunny skies and smooth waters throughout your life.  And when the storms, strong winds, and rolling waves come your way, hopefully we have provided you with the tools and perseverance to navigate your way to fair winds and following seas.  Until then, learn to fly, swim, and dream and enjoy all that life has to offer you from the safety of our nest.

Circle of Friends - The Boilermaker Years

I love the movie Circle of Friends starring Chris O'Donnell, Minnie Driver, and Colin Firth (Oscar winner of The King's Speech).  I love the story, the scenery, and the language.  For those of you not familiar with the movie, Minnie Driver plays Benny Hogan, a girl from a small village in Ireland who is very unsure of herself.  She and her best friend Eve start at university in Dublin and while Eve makes the complete transition to Dublin, Benny is strongly encouraged by her parents to take the "10 past 6" bus home every night.  At university, Benny becomes a member of a group of students made up of Aiden, Jack, and Nan.  Jack is the star rugby player and an unlikely friendship turned romance blooms between Jack and Benny.  However, there are several challenges which the group overcomes and forces some of them to experience adult responsibilities before they are completely ready.  It is a wonderful movie and whenever I catch it on TV, I always have to stop and watch.

I just finished the book (with the same title) that the movie is based upon.  The author is Maeve Binchey and I really enjoyed her writing.  She made me a part of the story and provided more insight into the various character relationships.  As with all movies based on books, Circle of Friends does not follow the story completely.  All of the important points are there - Simon Westward (played by Colin Firth), Jack and Benny's relationship, and the ball at the Hibernian.  But the ending was very different, which was a slight disappointment to me (and I won't spoil it here - Go read the book!!).  But all in all, it was very good.

I have my own "Circle of Friends" from college.  There is Mark (one of my college roommates, a huge fan of fantasy genre, and new parent to a son), Sherri (my friend that still manages to hold onto her youthful ways with a mature attitude) and Trent (my fellow Lafayette native who is a parent of a 6 year old girl who is going to give him nightmares about boys when she is a teenager).  Mark and his wife live with their almost 8 month old son in Maryland.  Mark is my lone fellow engineer and understands better than most (except for my husband Jeff) how my mind works.  Sherri and her wife, Ali, live in Indianapolis.  Sherri is the one who brought a touch of spontaneity to my life.  And Trent, who lives with his wife in Lafayette, was the frat boy who brought a twisted sense of reality to everything.  We get together every Christmas at BW3 on the Levee in West Lafayette and have done this for 10 plus years now; it allows us to catch up on our current lives and lets us relive some of the adventures we all had together at Purdue.  Since we are all married, the spouses and sometimes the kids join for lunch.  Throughout the year, Facebook and email allow us to keep up to date with each other.

And then there is my friend Joe.  He is not part of the group that gets together every Christmas, but still part of my college circle.  Joe and I became friends on the way to our calculus final our freshman year at Purdue.  If you are ever in O'Fallon or the St. Louis area and need a good optometrist, I recommend him.  He was the one that introduced me to Gino's East in Chicago and helped me purchase my high-end stereo (which is now obsolete).  I remember one 4th of July, we sat by Lake Michigan for 5-6 hours waiting for the fireworks to begin.  We had seats right at the lake front and he was able to take some fantastic pictures of the fireworks bursting in the sky.  After the fireworks, we walked down the middle of Lake Shore Drive back to his apartment.  How many times can you say you did that in Chicago?  Did I mention that he is also a photographer?  So if you are in the St. Louis/O'Fallon, MO area and need wedding photos or family pictures, definitely look him up.  He is the father of two beautiful little girls who are also going to give him trouble when they are older. 

Joe, Mark, Trent, and Sherri make up my circle of friends from college.  We have kept in touch during the 17 years that we have graduated from Purdue, gone to each other's weddings, celebrated the births of our children, and shared the pain of losing a parent.  But through it all, we have remained friends, reaching out to each other at birthdays, to proofread resumes, or just say hello.  As I finished Maeve Binchey's book, Circle of Friends, I wondered if Benny, Eve, Jack, Aiden, and Nan all were able to remain friends after they moved on and left university.  Did they get together once a year or keep in touch?  I hope they did as we all deserve to have a circle of friends around us.

Rev. Maurice Miller & I am a Ballplayer!

As the Catholic community in Lafayette knows, we lost the epitome of priests on June 1, 2011, Father Miller.  I will always have fond memories of Father Miller.  He always was in the back of church to greet you before mass and after mass, always sang or hummed the hymn, and never forgot a name.  He was the glue that held the parish together during three transitions of pastors.  He always brought a smile to my face, especially when he would wear his Notre Dame pants on Football Saturdays (while the majority of the parish wore Old Gold and Black) and ask Jeff, "Say, how about those Boilers."

I have a special memory of Father Miller, actually two, but one that I will never forget.  One of Father Miller's most special characteristics was the love he felt for his fellow man - Catholic, non-Catholic, Christian, or non-Christian - and he was there for all of us whether we were healthy or not.  One of his priestly ministries that he took very seriously was visiting the sick.  When our son Jacob was born in January 2006, Father Michael McKinley was pastor of St. Ann's and fighting for his life due to a ruptured appendix in St. Elizabeth Hospital on the other side of town.  On our last day in Home Hospital, Father Miller came to see Jacob and I to pray with us and offer a blessing.  I remember standing beside Father Miller as he gave Jacob his first blessing and will never forget the feeling of peace that he provided.  From that day on, he always asked about Jacob and would always call him by his first and middle name - Jacob Matthew.  And as a small repayment of the many favors and prayers that he offered, we have added him to our nightly prayer asking that God grant him peace and special blessings.

In other news, Jacob has been playing baseball in the Lafayette Shetland league for 4 & 5 year olds.  The first game was pretty much organized chaos.  Whenever the ball was hit by the opposing team, our entire team tried to field it, no matter how close or far the ball was to them.  In just four games, the kids have really improved.  Now only 2-3 kids try to field the ball instead of the entire team of 13 and many of the kids can almost throw the ball from 2nd base to first base without hitting the ground.  At the last game, the big thing between both teams was to slide into home plate (for those of you that don't know, the kids are not supposed to slide).  I am by no means a sports fan, but I have really enjoyed watching the games and cheering for all of the players - from our team or the opposing team.  Jacob has gotten a lot better also at hitting, fielding, and throwing.  He is not (and probably won't be) a Ryne Sandberg or Clayton Richards, but in his words, "I am a ballplayer, Mom!".

I would like to commend the coaches also - Mr. Shipman, Mr. Munn, and Mr. Siemers.  They have all been wonderful with the kids and working with them to improve.  Just would like to say - Great Job, Guys!!

Happy Memorial Day and Rhut Rho Shaggy!

I would like to thank all of the service men and women that have served our country and sacrificed family, health, and life to keep our country safe.  Our family is proud to have had six such individuals.  My father-in-law (Bob) was a proud veteran of the Navy and served in WWII, my father served in peace time in the Air Force and spent time defending the DMZ in South Korea, my brother-in-law served honorably in the Coast Guard defending our waters, my brother-in-law, Ray, served during the Vietnam war as a proud member of the Air Force, my cousin Cheri also served honorably in the Air Force, and last but not least, my neice's husband, Matt, is in his 20th year of service in the Army as a recruiter.  And I am sure that I am forgetting some others.  We are proud of all of them.  My small family of three started a tradition in 2007 of honoring my dad's and Bob's memory with flowers on their graves.  It hit me hard this year that Bob will have been gone from us for 5 years this July and my dad will have been gone 3 years this August.  So much has happened with our family in the space of that time, but I believe that they have been with us every step of the way  gentling guiding us, providing encouragement, and celebrating the good times and the bad with us.  I miss them both, but know in my heart that they are with us always. 

And enough with the maudlin.  It would not be a holiday without an injury, now would it?  Jeff works very hard to take care of my parents' yard and our yard every summer.   I help Jeff on the weekends when he mows the 3 lots and my parents' yard.  Jacob always goes out with us and rides around on his 4 wheeler and basically terrorizes his grandmother and aunt.  Today, my Uncle Jim from Elkhart drove down to pick up some furniture that we had hauled away from my cousins' house on the campus of Miami University of Ohio on Mother's Day weekend.  The plan was to go in to Lafayette and have lunch and Jacob was excited until we went to get the booster seat out of my dad's car.  Two of his fingers accidentally got shut into the door of the car.  After wailing, tears, some ice, TLC from Mom, and a Scooby Doo movie later (Thank you Cartoon Network), he was fine.  No bones appear to be broken (Thank Goodness - his fingers must be moldable like mine according to Grandma), but he may lose the nail on the tall finger.  So hopefully that is our injury for this holiday.  Hope your holiday has been safe and injury free.  But if not, Scooby Doo can cure anything - at least according to Jacob.