On Saturday, January 21, 2006, Jeff's and my lives changed forever. On that day, our son, Jacob Matthew, entered our lives at 3:40 pm weighing 5# 13 oz and measuring 19.5 inches long. I can still remember the details of that day vividly. A Mythbusters marathon was playing, my mom kept vigil in the waiting room, Jeff got to wear green scrubs, and my parents got to visit Jacob in the NICU immediately after he was born.
I remember being terrified that not only was I responsible for myself, but this little person who could not tell me what he wanted or needed. Jeff and I have experienced a roller coaster of emotions from exuberance to fear to "what have we gotten ourselves into." But we have survived and so has Jacob. It is difficult to believe that the tiny little baby that they send home with you is actually stronger and more resilient than you at times. We have survived fevers, pink eye, ear infections, a broken clavicle, and nights when we ran out of sheets for both Jacob's and our bed which resulted in no hot water for showers in the morning.
I refuse to touch raw meat (beef, chicken, if it is not cooked, I am not touching it). But I have found that getting peed on, pooped on, or vomited on does not bother me at all. I just clean it up and go on about my day. For any first time mother's of boys - beware there is something about exposing the little fire hose to air that makes it go off! At the time, I remember wondering what are we doing, but looking back I would not trade any of those sleepless nights.
And as I look back on the last six years, I realize that we are doing okay. There are days that I feel like the worst mother in the world - what mother who works outside the home does not feel like that especially when she forgets the juice box for lunch? For all of the mistakes that we have made (and will continue to make), I think we are doing pretty good. Jacob has the purest heart of anyone I know - there is not a mean bone in his body. He is wonderful with little babies and kids and treats them so gently. He loves his family, gives hugs and kisses freely to anyone who wants them, knows what he wants in a restaurant (chicken fingers please), and can make a new friend in minutes.
Do you ever look at your kids and wonder how their mind works, how much they remember? A few weeks ago, Jacob asked Jeff if he had a sword, which he does as part of his K of C dress. We talked about what 4th degree K of C members wear and that Jacob had never seen Jeff in his full dress. Jacob responded, "Yes I did. I remember looking down on you when I was in heaven before I was born." We asked him what he meant and he explained that God had been looking for a nice family for him and that Jacob would watch us from heaven. He said, "I remember seeing you and Dad." We asked him who else he had seen in heaven and he distinctly said, "I did not see my papaws because they were not up there." How do you respond to that? It gave me such hope that what we have been telling him is true - that both of his grandpas are up in heaven, watching him, and protecting him especially when Jeff and I cannot be there. He is our answer to prayer. Sometimes I think that when we are the ones that are supposed to be teaching him, he is actually teaching us.
So here is to the next six years - I wonder what conversations we will have, who he will say is his girlfriend (will it still be Eleanor?), and how many more times I will receive the vampire scowl because I tell him to kneel and stand correctly in Church (I am guessing every weekend until he is in his twenties!). I am looking forward to all of the memories that we will make, the adventures that we will take, and all of the mistakes that we will make! May Jeff, Jacob, and I be successful in this endeavor.
P.S. I am forever grateful for all of the patience and advice that has been given by family and friends. Could not do this without you all!
